Relationships seem to tend to go like this, everything's good , someone messes up, we make up, everything is good, someone messes up, we make up (this can go on and on but you get my point). Sometimes this can end in a breakup and sometimes marriage or just a continued relationship. The problem that ALOT of relationships fall into is that people don't let go of the past.
I'm a firm believer that when problems occur they need to be addressed immediately. However some people need time to calm down, which is understandable, but there is a time limit. If your guy has wronged you in any way, no matter how big or small (because odds are it's prolly small as shit). There is a reasonable amount of time that you have to address it and solve it. Holding on to this indiscretion not only is petty, childish, and immature but ultimately sets him and your relationship up for failure.
Address it!! Addressing the problem should take no longer than two weeks (AT THE VERY MOST). As I stated above sometimes situations or whatever can have us so mad that we need to step back. I can dig it, noone needs some crazy youngin kirkin out. So take your breather, but if your breather last two weeks or in the case of some OD joints more than two weeks, you're not taking a breather you're mullin over it. Also if you chose not to address it at all, then you have no right to bring it up in the future ie, if he repeats the offense then you can't cite that he has done it before. If you're truly invested in correcting whatever action that has occurred and moving forward from it then doing it in the most timely manner is the best course of action. The point is, the longer you wait the less relevant the indiscretion is on the current relationship. For Example: If you bring up that he ignored your calls one day and that day was two months ago, then he has the right to turn to you and say "SHUT THE FUCK UP"(well I would but imma a lil od blunt at times), because that situation has no bearings on the current relationship.
Let the punishment fit the crime!!! Far many times than I care to see, women punish there significant other way more than he actually deserves to be punished. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, WE ARE NOT DOGS LADIES!!!! If you ever have a dog (a strong dog) and he fucks up, and you go to "reprimand" him (not on some Mike Vick type shit mind you) and you go too hard he'll eventually get tired of it and defend himself. We are no different (That's a bad defense to us not being dogs, but whatever hopefully you get the point). There is no need for a man to be paying for things that he hasn't done. If he has broken your trust then he should rebuild it, but not by being at your beck and call, spending a rack of money on you, or being up under you. The most important thing about a punishment, is that after the individual is punished in a just manner, that person is now "reformed". Basically if you decided "this is what you have to do" then after they do it, all sins are forgiven. You are no longer allowed to use that instance against them. In relationships as in law there is no Double Jeopardy.
Forgive and forget!!!! If you have decided to except an apology then you need to realize that you have also excepted that the individual in question is no longer being persecuted for said offense. If you don't except it, then say so. Closed mouths don't get fed, and if an apology isn't enough then you need to make moves to have that person atone for their actions. If not you risk the chance of reaching your time limitation. If you have forgivin the person then forgive and move on if not then fix it or move on from them.
Laws (instituted by The Honorable Judge Dre)
1. THERE IS A TWO WEEK OFFENSE ADDRESSING PERIOD, IF DONE PASS THIS WINDOW THE TRANSGRESSION IN QUESTION IS NO LONGER VALID.
2. LET THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME. PUNISHMENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EXCEED THE MAGNITUDE OF THE CRIME.
3. IF THE DEFENDANT HAS COMPLETED HIS/HER PUNISHMENT THEN ALL CHARGES ARE EXPUNGED FROM HIS/HER RECORD. IF THE PLAINTIFF CHOOSES TO FORGIVE THE DEFENDANT THEN ALL CHARGES ARE ALSO EXPUNGED. AND FURTHERMORE IF THE APOLOGY IS NOT EXCEPTED THEN THE PLAINTIFF HAS THE NORMAL TWO WEEK ADDRESSING PERIOD IN ORDER TO PROSECUTE THE DEFENDANT.
2 comments:
I would just like to say I understand that people need to forgive but not forget. Forgive your significant other but don't forget what he or she has done to you either. I will also forgive but forgetting is something I won't do because that mean I will allow myself to be treated a certain way over again with forgiveness people change and the hurt that said person caused to the other should remind both people to change their ways so I agree witht the forgiveness but forgetting is something I won't do and no one else should either man or woman because then we will slip into the same repetitive offense
Don't give that bad advice. I used the phrase "forgive and forget" because it's an already established premise. The point is to forgive and nolonger hold the previous problem against them
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