Settling....
Just the thought of it turns my stomach. The very inkling of this being a possibility is the reason that all of my exes (well the vast majority) ended up in tears and they (really me though they thought and I made it seem differently for various irrelevant reasons) called it quits. Don't get me wrong I felt bad about the situations during the breakdown and subsequent termination of the relationships, but the thought of settling or even continuing a relationship with someone I know wasn't right for me far exceeded the few drops of compassion that I had.
This word however, in my opinion, is akin to a tumor. You learn about it, and hear old folks talk about it when you're younger but as far as you know it's something that happens to other people. So you put it off. You smoke, drink, and for the fakin' bakers you tan. And why not? You're young you should be enjoying life. What you don't realize though is that you have a tumor and all of your "indiscretions" have fed it. It started as a spec and now at 27 you're walking down the street with a grapefruit sticking out of your head like Naota in Fooly Cooly (google it if you don't get the reference). The older you get the bigger it gets and the less you can ignore it. This tumor is who you are and how large it is (if we are to take the growth as reality) is the extent to which you need to settle. Because as you can imagine, not many people want to date someone with a big ass bubble on their head. a
So what do you do?
You either embrace it or you remove it.
But why embrace a tumor? or in other words why settle?
There are probably hundreds of answers to why people settle. However, it is all because we don't want to be alone. No matter what people say, and we've heard it a million and one times, people want to be married. Well maybe not married but people want a life partner. They want someone they can wake up to, watch stupid tv shows with, and someone to take a shower while they take a shit a few feet away and talk about the bullshit that went down at work. We are animals and highly gregarious ones at that. Therefore, the thought of being alone is actually a fear on the magnitude scale close to death. This fear forces us to place time limits and deadlines for things that should occur organically. Because if we give it a deadline then of course it's going to happen? NOT. "My bioligical clock is ticking" (at 25? Cmon son!), or "I'll get married at 27"(yet you have no prospects nor have you had an adult relationship).
This is why we all have those friends (or maybe it's you) who function and operate in situations(relationships) that are clearly not only not right for them but toxic. Because, at the end of the day being with shit is better than being alone.
Is that true? Is settling better than being alone?
I have to apologize. I began this post essentially bashing the institution of settling even comparing it to having a tumor. Which is only half valid. Settling for the wrong person is malignant but there's an ocean between the right person and the wrong person.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who's heard and even used the term "settling" in a derogatory manner. I think the issue is that people are unrealistic about who the right person is. Most people look at the right guy/girl as the perfect guy/girl for them. If you're saying to yourself "no I'm not looking for a perfect guy" you're lying. The fact that you have a list of wants in a mate and consider anything less settling shows that you have and are attached to this notion of perfection. And you may be thinking there's nothing wrong with having standards "Shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars" right?
That quote (as Dwight has stated) is FALSE. Settling in actuality is compromising when the right person is involved and takes maturity to do correctly. Understanding and letting go of your list and focusing on your needs as opposed to your wants is in effect settling. You're compromising the unnecessary like a guy who's 6'6 with a 12 pack( normally pursued by girls who are 5'1 and chunky, one of the many things that boggles my mind) for a guy who's 5'8 a little round but supports you and treats you with respect.
*Side note- Ladies there are very few men in there 30s, even less in there 40s, and probably a handful who are 50+ with abs and old tall men become old immobile men*
Did you forget about those "indiscretions"? A lot of us spend our 20s "doing me" under the assumption that things will fall into place when the time comes. The logic behind that is so piss poor that it's borderline crazy. There's NO WAY you can go from being a "slore" (slut and a whore) to being in a committed relationship on its way to a committed marriage.. There is also NO WAY that you can go from being self-centered to being in a relationship where both people are equal partners. Just as we all are gregarious we are also creatures of habit and if your habit is to taste the kids of the many then a relationship with a good guy might not be for you at this juncture in your life. So you spend some years letting your vag relax from all the heavy usage, and you gain some humility and compassion but years have passed by. I mean it's only understandable that years of fucking up would take years to rectify (Though the president doesn't get that same consideration) and now your back looking for your mate. Shedding your superficiality and self centered hoe-tivities has hopefully matured you and now you can be open to meeting the right man for you.
The thing about the right guy is that he'll be there during the right time but only when you're the right woman. .
-Dre
